viernes, enero 30, 2009

De las técnicas amatorias del macho euskaldún

De niño, una de mis lecturas favoritas era "El Mundo Perdido", de Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle.

En un guiño misógino muy del gusto victoriano, la aventura se presentaba como el fracasado intento del reportero protagonista de impresionar a una chica. Tras pasar las de Caín entre fieras, dinosaurios y hombres-mono, el audaz expedicionario regresaba a Londres esperando encontrar a la moza rendida a los pies de su viril heroísmo. ¡Para chasco! En su ausencia, la beldad se ha casado con un mediocre oficinista. La donna é mobile... y todas esas cosas que decimos los hombres para halagar nuestra infantil vanidad.

En una cosa sí que acertaba don Arturo. Hay gente capaz de cualquier cosa por "aver ayuntamiento con fembra plazentera".

Mediten a tal efecto el caso de Aitor Zubillaga Zurutuza, natural de Legazpia. El fiscal solicitaba para el acusado diez años de prisión por un delito de estragos terroristas. Tras celebrarse la vista ha reducido su petición a cuatro años y medio. Según parece, el señor Zubillaga "no pretendía subvertir el orden constitucional ni generar terror". Su intención era otra: impresionar a la Itxaso de turno y gestionarse una alegre coyunda en la trastienda de la herriko taberna más cercana.

Luego dirán en la tele que en Euskadi no se f... ¡Mentira cochina! Sí que se hace, pero requiere bastante trabajo previo, capucha, mechero y un par de litros de gasolina. En las duchas de Alcalá-Meco, por el contrario, es mucho más fácil ligar.

Lo contento que se va a poner el tal Aitor cuando se entere.

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¿Y comenta la noticia si la forma de llamar la atención de la fémina tuvo éxito? Espero que al tal Aitor este le pasara como al bueno de Malone, y mientras él estaba kaleborrokeando por ahí, su pretendida se haya ido por otro. Este sí que se lo merecería, pardiez.

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